Lonely Blues.

When you are here, i want you to sleep so that i can finish my work. When you are not, and i have lots of time on my hands, i wonder what you would do and just lay down doing nothing.

When you are here, i want you to eat a little more, how much ever u eat. When u are not, i pray for u to eat..even if it were one morsel of food.

When you are here, i try not to get irritated at every thing you throw. When you are not, and the house is clean, i hate the feeling that there is no one to throw.

When you are here, and you cry, I wish for you to stop that whine by just giving in to whatever u ask. Now when you are not, I am willing to give up on anything to hear you.

When you are here  and you call me by name, I try to divert you to someone else so that you rely less on me. When you are not, I want to hear it again n again.

Ah. i miss you so bad. Just be safe. and good. I am just not the same without you driving me insane. 😦

What goes on in that little head..

..of my son. Here it is.

Here is my toy duck. Quackkuuu! Wonder how it tastes . ** munch munch munch

Here is the toy fish. Let me put it  in water. Before that let me see how it tastes. ** munch munch munch

AArghh! The shapes game again. Does not mommy have better things to play? Let me put that damn circle and make her happy **round round round round..clap clap clap

Teddy. I hate that teddy. Mommy hugs teddy more than me. Let me beat that thing to death. ** throw throw stamp stamp eat nose bite leg kill the damn teddy

Blocks. I will let papa come and play with them. Mommy makes weird shapes with the blocks. Let me see how they taste. * munch munch, mmm munchy it is. Let me try a different colour.

Sippy cup/ water bottle. Yuck. I love boobies!! They are better any day!

Food. AArgh. Again. How many times do i have to eat whatever this woman cooks. She only does not like, why should i eat. Why cant she give me junk. Any junk. May be bhujiya. I can live on that stuff man!!

SHoes. Yayy. I want to eat them when she is not looking. SO many sizes. SO many colours. So many shoesssss!

Bathroom. Wonder what is there in that white big pot in there. Mom opens, Dad opens, why cant i open?I Can play with water in the pool, but not with water in the white pot in the bathroom? Thats double standards.

Remote. SO many buttons. I want to press them. Mommy and daddy do. So many remotes. I also want one. The buttons are so rubbery and tasty. Waa. Give me One.

Mom. Why does this woman exist? She restricts me from doing anything. Oh ya. Milk. I forgot.

Dad. I love him. Why cant he stay and home and mom can go work? Oh ya. Milk. I forgot.

appraisal time.

Its been one and a half year, and my manager-pati decided its appraisal time for the kiddo. So here’s how it went. Trust me, my appraisals were better.

<Pati> So Addu. One and a half year. Your mother’s become thin, like she was in college. And what have you achieved..lemme see.

<Addu> thathahatha

<Pati> I see that you have started talking nonsensical shit, very early that too. Most grownups dont know how to, see your mother. That too your talent of leaving people awestruck by talking is exceptional. There is a +1 for you.

<Addu> **Smiles** papapapa

<Pati> That too you have learnt calling me by name, which is awesome.

<Addu> **Smiles even more, husband realises he did potty**

<Pati> Now this, is a very bad thing. Me and your mother earn so much to give you good food, and what do you do? Turn it all into shit? That too the stinkiest one? All this one and a half year this is all you learnt is it..to turn productive stuff into shit? Very bad that is. Worst, you depend on others to clean up your shit. How will you ever take responsibility for what you do and when stop being dependent on others eh? The world is not going to appreciate you as a shit machine, though few MBA grads can. SOme companies also do, but you need to take care of this.

<Addu> ** Now rubbing his potty everywhere, starts jumping on sofa**

<Pati> And not only you shit, But spread it everywhere. Havent you heard of swatchh Bharat? It is because of people like you that Modiji is not able to do anything.

<Me> **to Pati** Can you please stop that nonsense and clean him up?

<Pati> Addu, Now lets go to the bathroom. Lets clean up the shit you created.

<Addu> ***Starts dancing and running towards bathroom

<Pati> Now, getting back to the appraisal, You have learnt to walk, run and dance. Thats a pretty acceptable achievement. However, dancing on people is not considered decent, unless they are pretty girls.  Learn this addu, when you see a pretty girl, raise your hands up. This is however not acceptable when you grow up, then there are equal cahnces of you getting slapped.

<Addu> ** Throws water on pati

<Pati> Now, you have to learn to get dressed by yourself. Being nangu might make ppl call you cute, but it does not work out well in future. ** Gives clothes to addu, Addu takes papa’s shirt and starts wearing .  So, what else..lemme see…! You climb sofas , eat junk, throw stuff , now that will work well when you grow. Let me tell you one thing son, The more you throw things, the more the world will be scared of you. You have to learn to rule the world, irrespective of the boon or bane they are. Together, we will be dictators and take over the entire world. You and me will become ** Addu starts peeing on papa**

<Addu> papapa..susususu

<Pati> Appraisal done. No hike. You shit producing machine!

You!!

Yup. I miss you. a lot.

Its so difficult to admit it, trust me, especially after i have unleashed my enormous ego to tell that I am not talking to you ever. I have no idea why that happened also. Momentary anger i guess.But those things are not meant to be taken so seriously.

We’ve had this argument again and again, about me calling, you calling, me not calling, me missing your calls. Is it really worth fighting about such minute things? And actually continuing that fight? And what changed? That we dont speak normally anymore? Yes, I have a kid who is a number one brat, who requires my complete attention.  Hence, my time is totally taken away there, the rest i have is sleep work clean. As for the quote ‘ You make time for people you care’, is complete bull shit. Even if i want to make time for ppl, i would prefer to eat first and then socialise. If I am so important to you, then you should be able to understand this and stop making my remaining time tough.

Yes, you are important to me. Thats the reason I am fighting with you. To make myself clearer. To make you understand me. To explain that I am not neglecting you. I do get frustrated at times, and I wouldav redirected it on you, but that is because you gave me that lenience . I certainly cannot go shouting at my neighbour right.

I miss you everytime i hear a song you sent. I wait for you to come online , i wait for you to ping me. And i go disappointed everytime that does not happen.

I get that big smile on my face when i see a mail from you. Be it a silly hi or a yuck song. It just shows that you remember me. But i want more. I want everything to be like it was before. With the fight part. Thats what makes it fun. right?

You. You are the major reason my life is shaped the way  it is now. And i appreciate every part of it.  I was not able to give you that acknowledgement before. But here it is. Come back. Please.