Half-assed information is what it is!

The 1st hint (or what i now think was a hint)

When i told my parents i was pregnant, They were extremely happy for me. My Granpa was well-wishing me, saying all God names. Some recent moms,  however, were like, you guys should have waited for an year or 2 more. 

The 2nd hint:

I went to get a haircut done.  MIL said get a facial also, since after delivery, I might not get time for months. I agreed..and the lady started the cleaning process. This might be my 3rd facial my whole life , and the thing i dread the most (after waxing). Because they literally cut through your nose telling white heads or black heads, my head!! And when i started shouting when that started, MIL says, tu delivery kya karegi?!! 

8 months ago….

Me and a friend discussing – ‘ you know. If you get pregnant, you will not have periods for 9 whole months’. ‘Aah, thats such bliss in any girls life’. 

Me and husband go to the park. See lots of cutie cutie girls. ‘ I think i want one of those. They are so much fun to play with.’ 

Mom telling me ‘ Its been more than an year. When will you give me grandchildren? ‘ ‘ Maa, its a huge responsibility’

‘Dont worry, we will take care of everything’.

MIL says: ‘ You better have kids fast. Its better to have one kid before 29/30, else you wil have difficulties. You know this so-called cousin of yours faced so many problems in conceiving’. I tell the same to husband. He ponders.

All the above are rotten lies, trust me. And the truth, mind you, is very very very contradictory! There are things you will know on the fly things mom/MIL will never tell you.

1. You can never skip breakfast. If you do,you will end up puking. And mind you, breakfast should be something healthy, with milk!!
2. you are not supposed to run/jump/dance/ or do anything that will shake up your belly!
3. You cannot smell anything too good, or too bad. The end result is puking.
4. You have weird cravings. (Not like priety zinta in salaam namaste). It can also be to slap someone else so hard!
5. You cannot travel in AC. or any closed environment. Result is again puking. Well, the result for most of the things is puking. So i am not going to be writing that from now 🙂
6. you, a lazy bum, are supposed to walk 45 min daily. Thats NOT ok, considering the fact that more you walk, fatter you become in coming months. Certainly not encouraging.
7. eat fruits/drink juices. No junk. And they ask what cravings you have! obviously junk, cos you are prohibited to eat that!
8. You bloat everywhere. Every-single-where! The time will come when you will have difficulty in lifting yourself (Remember wall-e?)
9. Considering point 8, frequent trips to the bathroom is a pain. Also remember, pregnant women lose control over their bladder. sigh!
10. The delivery – People tell 9 months are the most amazing in a moms life. the 9th month it is now, And i am shit scared. baby is coming!! baby clothes, baby nappies, baby diapers, baby socks, crib, wipes. O man!!

trust me. Never become pregnant because of what people say. Thats what is half-assed information!

Tales of the unborn..err..

..I want to say ‘warrior’..English film style! But for now, lets have champ (yeah. there are female champs. And I meant football champ).  I don’t want to force kiddo’s profession on him now itself 😉

Me and husband normally are watching dragon ball series, and champ is busy kicking inside. This was in my 6th month, when kicking was not so visible outside, but when you touch, you feel. I put my hand on tummy, i feel the kick a little. I ask husband to put his hand, he is all exited and he touches my tummy. Lo! the baby stops kicking. This happened some 4-5 times. Husband says ‘ Our baby is learning manners. Baap ke saamne no nautanki’ . 

I fight with husband. But since I am one papa pregnant girl, he does not argue with me. Instead, He gives me a look, bends down and tells my tummy ” bachha, kick mummy a little more today” . Surprisingly, champ listens!!

Husband likes this name SK <abbreviated> a lot! So he calls the champ K. I however think , if we name ‘him’ SK, he will be teased a lot by other kiddos. Anyways, So i tell the husband, do not call ‘him’ K, he and I will not like it. Husband is adamant. He does. Now I’ve got a reason to stop him, me and champ are a team. Whenever the husband whispers K to my tummy, there is a kick! 😀

Its my 35th week. I can feel my rubber tummy stretching in all shapes, mostly from the top. And mostly on the right.  I assumed it would be the champ’s head, or legs. Seeing the baby center mail today, Husband says, baby is aligned in this position in my tummy. I suddenly realize ‘How come the baby is kicking me with its bum?’. Husband says ‘May be he is farting and u are feeling that propulsion!! ‘ . phew.  

More to come soon. I don’t think my kid will let me rest in peace!! 🙂

stark resemblance..

..to a balloon! 

8th month is ending. And All i see when i stare down, is a balloon. I was thin once upon a time, i think.., i don’t remember. Seems like I was forever pregnant! 

i remember the time when i used to look down, and see my toes. The time when i used to sleep on my tummy, pillow pressed against it. The time when i used to wear jeans, the non elastic ones. The time when my tummy used to rumble because of hunger, and not because of someone kicking. The time when, something falls, and i bend and do a 180 degree angle at my hip to pick it up. The time when i used to get up and run when the milk is boiling.  Time when i dint need assistance in tying laces and removing socks. Time when i bent down to apply nail polish to my feet, and i could do it perfectly. Time when i dint have to think about losing control over my bladder. Time when i skipped breakfast and did not worry about feeding myself till end of the world! aah! where is all that.

I look down, see the balloon. I think all this. I wonder. Then i see the balloon moving. Making weird shapes. Is it hungry? Am i supposed to eat something? What if it wants water? What if i am sitting in the wrong position that’s making it uncomfortable? Am i supposed to drink something? eat something? go to the loo?

And thats bliss! i pity all the men in the world!

 

 

 

emotions.

frustration:

when you realise you’ve been up since 1 in the night, and pathetically write this post at 3.

anger:

<when you realise husband, whom you have already woken up thrice, is happily snoring again.

peace:

what you get thinking , may be you will sleep well tomorrow, thanks to todays night out.

bliss:

  you find a book that suits your emotional needs at this time.

Happiness:

when you realize you can time pass reading the book and eventually sleep off.

Frustration:

when husband shouts at you for switching on light in the middle of the night.

anger:

When u finally get to sleep, and in a min, you realize you have to visit the loo!

Phew.

trend nowadays

Sasuma talking to her long lost friend on phone “Tumhara number nahi tha..haan. Tum kya facebook pe ho? theek..add kar loongi. Nahi toh whatzapp mein add karlo mere number se. “

I gifted a tablet to both my mom and mil. Both of them, when made to sit in front of laptop, both of them swipe the screen with their hands!

Mom nowadays takes her tablet everywhere, to take photos. Fascination i think.  She went to a party, took photos, came back home, uploaded to facebook and picasa, from tab, and asked me to like them!!

Mom got a missed call. I said  wait, I will check if i have this  number, and i started dialing.. Mom says ” No..what if this person has true caller?! “

Mil wanted to add some songs to her ipad. Itunes for me is always tricky, me and Husband were struggling to do some sync up. She comes, says, ‘aisa nahy. aisa karna hain’. There. she’s done it.

Moms – Still super women I tell you!

 

betrayals!

1. No matter how much your husband loves you, he ends up calling you fat atleast once a day!

2. You think so much about eating well and getting proper sleep, but end of the day, you cannot avoid getting kicked!

I am going to ask husband to get pregnant next! 2 birds in one go!

murder or suicide!?

I had a love cum arranged marriage, thats what i prefer calling it because i loved, my parents arranged 😉 . My sister had a complete arranged marriage.

The other day, we met, and my sister was randomly complaining to my mom about how she was forced to marry some arbit person, who dsnt buy her shoes or always takes her to temples..some casual crib. My mom started feeling bad, that may be she found the wrong guy for her, cos apparently, I never complain so much to mom (Not that I don’t have enough complaints, still)
My sis silently moves to her side, and tells ‘ Amma, akka chose for herself. So she cant put the blame on you for what is her selection. I can. Hers was suicide, mine was attempted murder!’

A friend, desperately in need!

O friend, where art thou?

Through out the night you gave me company, swept away my worries, cleared up my mind

Always welcomed me to a bright new day , Making me forget my past, always so kind.

O friend, where art thou?

I meet you, I enter a new world,Where i achieved much more i could think ever,

Sometimes it scares, sometimes it worries,but at the end, you let me down never.

O friend, where art thou?

I need you…O friend.

The little soul in my tummy keeps kicking me, still I need you,

The thought of pressing the little one scares me, still i need you.

While frequent breaks of relieving myself separates us, I still need you.

O sleep, my friend. Where art thou?!

 

PS:   The above are sincere and genuine woes of me, a pregnant gal, who is devoid of sleep since past few weeks, who thinks she is having a super active kiddo since kiddo is 24/7 playing around in tummy! 

PPS:  Pray i sleep well! pretty please!